Updates, Dating, and on Missing V

It is unusual for me not to be able to write an entry on my blog for the longest time, and yet for the past couple of weeks, I’ve complete ran out of time and opportunity (and even mood) to even take a glimpse of my blog – unfortunately. That, plus the fact that I have been really, extremely (borderline-life-altering) busy with a lot of things and simply didn’t find anything interesting to write about. But then I realized that’s not entirely true. Being a rather observant person, I could usually find something or someone to write about. And so, for this first entry (and probably the last) for the month of October, I would like to write about things that happened to me during the past month just to keep my very secret, very tiny fan-base updated.

To start off, this month is my official 2nd year anniversary of singlehood. And while it sometimes pains me to admit it, I have not found my significant other in two years of searching, trying and waiting. I did however; meet a couple of interesting chaps -- at least, worthy enough to mention on my blog entry.

One particular person whom I shall call, Mr. Almost-Made-It which I met a couple of months back but failed to write about was near perfect. We could talk for hours about anything under the sun (and moon – at times). We laughed on everything and had fun being together. Mr. AMI was sweet, kind, forgiving and simply a wonderful person. My friends adored him.

But there was just one problem. I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with him. (You’re an adult, you know what I mean.) For some freakish reason, I just could not even fathom the idea of being on the same bed with him and do absolutely nothing else but sleep. At first, I thought this was just my fear to lose the passion of the relationship if the intimate moment turned out to be not how I expected to be. So I settled for the relationship instead without the wall-scratching and bed-pounding action that I am so used to. And after a month of dating, things were just getting worse. The looming problem over my “other head” has been too great and too much to go unnoticed. I kept dodging every attempt by faking sleep, faking stomach spasms, and even faking being drunk. I know, I know, I was evil. But alas, even my talented theatrical artistry could not hide what was wrong. The dating withered and eventually I had to speak up and tell the truth. I ended it in the most unbearable, coldest and even insensitive manner, I admit --- through text. As if the method wasn’t bad enough, I added insult to a very painful injury by telling him exactly what I felt, or should I say did NOT feel. A month or so passed, jumping into the present month, we started communicating again and I could sense this is bound to be just a ku-mare – which is a good thing.

Then there’s another guy I met at the most addicting social networking site—Facebook while I was in Malaysia for work. In a nutshell, he turned out better in the cyberworld that in person. I just didn’t agree on his views of relationships and priorities. In my opinion, he simply didn’t know what he wanted to do in his life. He picked me up after a two-week job in Malaysia. We got to talking, that’s when I realized that this is not the person I would want to be with long-term. And at this point in my life, I am not looking for flings, affairs, or short-lived relationships. Ranting about how bad things are at the office and plans of moving out of the country is not exactly what I would like to hear on a first date. Golden rule people: when on a first date, talk about your interests, hobbies and things that keep the conversation light but interesting not how you hate your boss and wish he’d drop dead anytime soon. If he could talk about a person he hates with such judgment and disdain, chances are his boss isn’t the only person he will eventually talk bad about. So, get the check, excuse yourself and run while you can.

I may be a bit presumptuous but heck; I can’t afford to waste my time with a person I can see no future with.

3rd guy --- Chinese-mestizo, mid-30s, professional, good-looking, stable -- financially and emotionally, and we pretty much shared the same vision. After a very nice and interesting first date, it never reached a second. Why? I could only assume. To this date, I have not heard from him again after a brief week of exchanging sms’ planning for the second meeting which obviously never transpired. I guess some guys usually prefer the disappearing act than have the balls to confront. Gawd, sometimes I wonder why I even try to date.

And then the other night, I found the answer to this riddle when I dated a deaf guy. Yes, he’s deaf and we dated. I was actually a bit hesitant to meet up with him but my messiah complex got the best of me. We understood each other since I knew a little sign language which apparently turned out to be pretty good according to him. I figured as much or that date wouldn’t have lasted over the initial “hi” and “hello.” I asked him with his disability, “Does it hinder you from finding love?” And he replied, “Why should it?”

I guess every one of us is in search of something, be it: love, self, hope, and for most people even sanity. But I’ve decided to stop dating for a while. Not because of the too many failed attempts as mentioned but because it is taxing. Getting to know someone especially on a date can be quite a tedious task. Sometimes I just wish I could meet someone like how I met V, simple, uncomplicated and real. He was asking for directions while I was in my jammies on my way to 7-11. Just like that. We lasted for almost 3 years and many years after – he’s still the measurement of what a relationship should be to me.

Simple, uncomplicated and real.

Love letters and idealisms by Noel Abelardo